With the recent tragedies and injustice plaguing our country, I’ve found myself experiencing increased internal tension about how to respond. How to engage. It seems like the fight for justice can become so polarized, adding unnecessary complication and encouraging self-doubt, especially as a white woman.
I’ve struggled with knowing what to do. What my place is. I become too consumed with how others may respond or react that I silence the guiding voice of the Spirit within. I find myself cowering internally questioning if this is my calling solely on the basis of the color of my skin. As if God forgot I was white when He gave me this heart, this passion…
The fear and doubt have been paralyzing, and that can no longer be tolerated.
In my insecurity, I look to knowledge as power, thinking the more educated I am, the more qualified I am. Perhaps there is some truth to this thinking, but it’s self-limiting as it puts the burden of responsibility squarely on my performance and capability. That rational can be self-sabotaging as the assignment God places on your life is, by definition, one only God can fulfill through you. Only by His power and grace and love can you hope to carry out what He created you to do.
Only in continual relationship with God can you fulfill your God-given destiny.
And, as I’ve come to learn, all He asks of you is for your “yes.”
He knows every single thing about you. Your strengths and weaknesses. Your trauma and triggers. Your hopes and desires. What He places within you is like a seed for you to steward. The soil of your heart must be tended and cultivated accordingly, available to receive whatever He chooses to plant in His divine sovereignty and goodness, even if you question you’re the right person or if He really knows what He’s doing. He sees in full what we see in part, and so an ever-increasing dose of humility is required if you’re going to see this thing through.
Do I fully understand my calling or see with perfect-picture clarity the vision He has for my life? No. If only. But I am a human on a journey of discovering and becoming, which I think is all part of the plan anyways. Every twist and turn is part of the process as the Master Gardener wastes nothing in bringing the seeds He planted into fruition. I’m the one that gets in the way. I let my pride ride shotgun or my fear derail me. Ugh.
And in His kindness and patience, He brings me back, reminding me I’m not doing this on my own, all on my own. His Spirit lives and dwells within me, the very fullness of life and the power to do abundantly more than I could ever imagine if only I give Him my “yes”, even if it’s with shaky knees and trembling hands (which it oftentimes is). He is my sufficiency in all things. The One who calls me and qualifies me. It is His Kingdom I am building - not my own or that of another. He is the One who always knows what to say and do, even when it seems so counter-culture or counterintuitive. And so He grows my faith and courage as His grace and mercy strengthen and empower me.
Your calling, assignment, destiny, or whatever you want to call it, is not yours. It’s the Father’s. And He delightfully entrusts to you, His child, committing all He is and all He has to seeing you succeed, walking with you every step of the way, as long as you let Him. As long as you keep showing up and saying “yes”, even when it seems impossible.